Crap, crap and more crap

The funk is back. Lately I've been thinking about how much of my life revolves around crap. Changing crappy diapers. Cleaning crappy litterboxes. Last weekend, cleaning up crappy water when the septic backed up. Crap, crap, and more crap. Which puts me in a funk.

Then, I just finished taking a bath and reading a book while The Man made dinner and gave me an evening off from The Boy. It was just what I needed. Not only do my legs no longer look like a monkeys, I was able to finish the book I've been reading the past few nights: "The 100 Thing Challenge" by Dave Bruno. There were some very interesting concepts in the book, and while I will not be challenging myself to get down to 100 personal items, I will be challenging myself to purging the crap out of my house. Not just the literal crap, but the stuff that is smothering me. The piles of crap on the counters that make it a pain in the ass to cook dinner, because you have to move piles to make room for the cutting board to even start making dinner. The crap that is in the hallway, making it hard to get through. The crap in the closet that I still haven't gone through, even though I started in January cleaning it out (and I did get rid of a whole bunch, I just never finished the project). It's just a bunch of crap that is weighing me down.

I want to simplify. I want to have room to breathe in my house. I want to be able to clean and have it not take hours and hours because I have to move everything first. I want to feel like my home is a sanctuary, and not just a storage unit for crap. I want to have time to do the creative things that make me happy, knitting, or making cards, or sewing, or whatever moves me at that moment. I want to be able to be me. So I am going to do it. I am going to challenge myself to make this place, this house where I spend nearly 23 hours a day, a place where I am happy to be.

There was one discussion in the book about his model trains and how he purged them because he realized he was trying to fix something in the past which of course, since it's in the past, could never be fixed. And by letting them go, he was able to move forward. I know there is a connection between all of my craft projects, all of the started and not finished projects, that ties to my past. I am not quite sure exactly what that is, and I will be thinking about it as I go through this process. I know that my craftiness is a tie to my mother, and that it is something we have in common and can do together, and did do together growing up. I wonder if the crafters ADD that I have is tied to that relationship, and that now that I am a mother, the relationship with my mother is deeper and more meaningful than it ever has been in the past. And I wonder if I can get rid of some of the craft stuff that is not meaningful to me any more. The soap stuff that I made literally a decade ago and will probably never make again. It's just taking up space, and weighing me down.

The things that I love to do, at this point in time is the knitting really, it's things that I never really did with my mom. Knitting is something that has come later, starting in high school but really being there through the "growing up" period of college and beyond, and then really helping me bond with some fantastic ladies at the knitting group I started going to when I started working at home. Knitting is mine. Knitting is really relaxing and enjoyable to me. So by getting rid of the crap, I will have more time to knit. More time that is not guilt ridden because I know I should be cleaning up something, or putting crap away. I can instead sit, knit, and enjoy myself.

That's my goal. No more crap. That's probably a better theme for this year than "simplify" - it fits me better. Although I need to quit swearing so much, The Boy will be talking soon. And I don't want his first sentence to be full of crap.

It might be rubbing off on me

Last night, I got the giggles hard. The Man and I were laughing as the cat was playing with a hotwheels car on the bathroom floor. It would have been more funny if we weren't so tired, but we started making up dialog for the cat. And I was laughing so hard I was crying.

After we could breathe again, he said something that really made me smile. He said that although I was stressed and overwhelmed and things were busy for me now that we had The Boy, he thought that we were also happier. That we laughed more. That we smiled more. And it's true. I do laugh several times each day. When The Boy comes and tickles my feet through my shoes. When The Boy tells himself jokes that I wish I knew what he was saying. It all makes me laugh. So although all the day to day grind stuff does get me down, I am a happy person. I just need to make the outside match the inside.

Tonight I started cleaning out my closet. I have bags and bags of stuff to get rid of. I find myself hanging on to things that would look good together. But I'm really trying to let that go. I am keeping some suits and work clothes, but for the most part, it's gone. I am also paring down my shoes. I used to wear different shoes every day at work and had them all matching my outfits. Everyone would comment on my shoes. Now, I wear flip flops or shoes that can hold my orthodic inserts. I really don't need 40 paires of mules in every color and pattern. Although they do make me smile, some of them just plain hurt my feet. And having them all crammed in the closet does not make me happy. I want order. I want open space. I want room to grow. So I am decluttering. And I am proud of myself. I get a gold star today.